15 Weeks.

15 Weeks.

Due Date: July 15, 2016

Baby Nugget is the size of a: Pear and measures about 4.0 inches

Total weight gain: -1.8 lbs. I’m up 0.6 of a pound this week. Considering that I have been eating everything not nailed down I’m impressed.

Maternity Clothes: I’m in scrubs and sweats. Haven’t had to wear any “real clothes” this week. However, I did snag some after Christmas sales on some dresses that I have in my maternity drawer. The down side of being a size 18 is that I think I’m gonna have a problem finding traditional maternity clothing and am just going to have to buy a size or two up for when I start getting bigger.

Stretch Marks: No new ones… I don’t think. #huskygirlproblems

Sleep:  Thanks to my awesome pillow that I talked about last week, it has been a good sleep week. Averaging between 5-7 hours a night and I have figured out that if I don’t drink after 8pm, I can actually sleep through the night without needing a bathroom break…basically I’m a 4 year old 🙂

Best Moment of the Week: My dad’s birthday was this past Friday on the 15th and we drove up (down? over?) to North Carolina. In the gift bag with his present was a onesie that said “Grandpa’s Future Fishing Buddy” and he lost his mind 🙂 It makes me so happy to see my parents excited about their future grandchild and I really hope we can make it through this together 🙂

Miss Anything? Not really. I was looking at planning a local weekend trip for Hubbins and I for Valentine’s Day weekend and one of the places had a hot tub and sauna in the room and I realized I couldn’t do either of those #shrug

Movement: Too soon to tell.

Food cravings: Everything! This is the first week where everything has looked amazing to me! I have been trying to have fruit or vegetables at every meal because asshat doctor’s voice has been in the back of my mind all week.

Anything make you sick or queasy: Cologne this week has been getting to me.

Gender/Sex Prediction: I feel it is a girl. Planning to not find out till our reveal shower sometime in April/May.

Labor signs: Thankfully no!! I need these to not be a thing for a good long time.

Symptoms:  It was a really good week. My only real issue was that my back is still pretty sore from the epidural I had for the cerclage. It has been about two weeks now so I expected it to be completely better now. Going to ask doctor about it at my next appointment on Tuesday.

Belly button in or out: In.

Wedding rings on or off: On.

Bump: I think we are getting somewhere! Pics coming soon.

Happy or Moody: Happy! I have been in a great mood this week. I had a spurt of energy that I have been missing for the past few months. I worked on decluttering our master bedroom this week and making plans for what furniture will be moved where as Nugget will be sharing our room for the foreseeable future. My Pinterest board is full of inspiration for how we are going to make this work for our little family.

Looking forward to: Dual appointments on Tuesday with MFM and my regular OB. Progesterone shots are supposed to start next Friday; not really looking forward to them as I have heard they are a literal pain in the ass but excited as it is one more preventative measure that helps ensure that Nugget stays put for a nice long time. Snowmageddon 2016!! I haven’t had a real ‘snow day’ since college and I’m excited about camping in with Hubbins this weekend. Be safe out there friends 🙂

My Cerclage Experience

I can’t believe it is over and done with! I anxietied about this procedure since I heard that my doctor was going to do it. Wednesday I stayed home from work and did some chores at home because I didn’t know what state I would be in after my procedure on Thursday. Then I attempted to sleep on Wednesday night but ended up staying up most of the right reading my bible and singing trying to reassure myself that it would be alright.

Thursday morning we woke up and reported to Outpatient surgery. I have to say that I was so impressed with everyone who touched any part of this process: from registration to the nurses to anesthesia to the OR and recovery team, they did an amazing job at not only reassuring me during the process but in catering to the fact that I am control freak who needs to know what is happening every step along the way. Back in pre-op I did face a few uncomfortable moments when one nurse asked “Is this your first?” and seeing me hemming and hawing over how to answer she apologized profusely and then bought 2 other nurses over who had losses followed by successful pregnancies with cerclages. These  two women became my ‘mother hens’for my entire day of the procedure. They checked on me in recovery and one even gave me her phone numbers so I could call her cell in case I had any questions about anything during the remainder of my pregnancy. She kept saying “I will be praying for a completely uneventful, boring pregnancy for you”.

The anesthesiologist came back and spoke to me about the plan for the epidural for the procedure as they were hesitant to have me under general anesthesia this early in pregnancy. Then I kissed Hubbins goodbye and went back to the OR. OMG. WHY ARE OR’s SO COLD??!! I’m sure it has to do with infection control but sweet baby Jesus. I ended up with 6 blankets on and a body warmer contraption by the time we were done. The worst part of my entire experience was having the epidural placed. My nurse anesthetist kept reminding me that these are usually done when you are in the midst of labor and contractions are kicking your tail so the pain just merges together but my goodness!! It took them two tries; one with the nurse anesthetist and once by the anesthesiologist because apparently at 5″5 I have a little frame (words I have never heard in life) and the spaces in between my vertebrae are relatively small. It felt like someone had taken a spear and was shoving it in my back and down one side of my body. The second attempt was bad but the medicine began to take effect quickly. It was the weirdest feeling ever; I could feel my legs being tingly (imagine when your foot falls asleep) but I could do nothing to move them. For the rest of the time, they would say “we are going to move your leg now” and I would respond “I believe you”. The only other uncomfortable part of the process was the nausea. That was due to me having an empty stomach as I had nothing since 10 the night before and the fact that the table was tilted on an incline to allow for my doctor to be positioned better. However, my trusty team came through and I learned that rubbing alcohol wipes under your nose for a minute or so will take that nauseous urpy feeling away.

Once the epidural was in I was on the table for maybe 25-30 mins and then to recovery. Before leaving recovery, you have to be able to use the restroom and be able to stand on your own. This took about two hours during which I napped and Hubbins watched Netflix. About an hour in they came and did an ultrasound of the baby and after that I felt a lot better although the quality of the ultrasound wasn’t as clear as the one at Maternal Fetal Medicine. My discharge instructions include no heavy lifting and taking it easy for the next two days. My OB has placed me on pelvic rest (all the sad faces from Hubbins) but he is on board with it. The bleeding was light yesterday and has all but ceased today which is great for my peace of mind. I follow-up with my OB in two weeks but luckily for me I had a cervical length scheduled at MFM for this coming Monday so I get to see Nugget in a few days. The cerclage is slated to stay in till 36 weeks but may come out earlier at 32 weeks depending on how things are looking.

Recovery wise, last night my chief complaint was my back. It is really sore and I declined the Oxycodone that my doctor offered for pain. I am certain she would not have given it if it was safe for baby but I do feel like I don’t want to chance that strong of a drug. So I have been using Tylenol and ice and that has helped a lot. Today I am still pretty sore and I feel a few more cramps than I did yesterday. I have been on the couch and/or in bed most of the day. Hubbins and I did go to Walmart today and after about 20 minutes I could tell that I needed to return to the couch. I don’t go back to work till Monday so I will be laying low this weekend.

I want to thank you all for your thoughts and prayers yesterday. I felt so much calmer because I knew that there were so many people sending positive vibes my way.

I also need to shout out my husband. He is such a calm reassuring force and he understands me so well. When we were waiting in pre-op and he could see my nerves building while we were delayed, he pulled out a deck of cards and helped take my mind off of my endless wondering. Last night, when insomnia had me up at 2 am for about 5 hours, he was by my side on the couch. I can’t get out of bed or cough or turn without him being awake and asking if I am alright. He is going to make such a wonderful Dad and I can’t wait to see him in that role.

9 weeks, 5 days

I went for my checkup yesterday. The anxiety started around Sunday and built steadily till the time I walked into the ultrasound room.  This appointment was for sonogram and then regular checkup with my doctor. I love my ultrasound tech. She has always remembered me from the last time and I feel like she takes extra special care with me when I come in. Baby is doing well!!!! As soon as I saw the heartbeat, that is when I remembered to breathe. Every time this happens, it sinks in that try as I might to ‘not get attached’, the minute I saw that 2nd pink line, I was in love.

Back on track…

Baby is measuring exactly 9 weeks and 5 days and has a heart rate of 172. My cervix is nice and long at 4.56 cm and remains shut! I got a few nice pictures and as soon as I can figure out what is going on with my phone, I will add them to this post.

After sonogram, I had a checkup with Dr. H. We did a urine culture and what I think is gonorrhea culture.. I saw the swab but forgot to ask what specific culture it was. I am down 2 pounds from when I last saw her so she is happy about that. She doesn’t want me to gain any more than 20 pounds for this pregnancy so I’m trying my best to ‘save’ as much of that as I can for later 🙂 We reviewed my labs from last time and she said that everything looks good so far BUT I am anemic. This has always been an issue for me, but she said we need to try to get my hemoglobin up to around 12 for this pregnancy; I am currently at a 10 so she started me on an iron supplement that I need to add to my prenatal. We talked about my heartburn and she recommended Pepcid in addition to the TUMS that I have been popping like Tic-Tacs.

Next steps: My first appointment with maternal fetal medicine (MFM) is on the 28th of December. At that time we will do the blood work part of the NT scan (genetic testing). The following Monday, on the 4th, I go back to MFM for the NT ultrasound which measures the thickness of the fold on baby’s neck (another form of testing for genetic abnormalities). At that time, I will get a recommendation from them for the timing of cerclage placement as well as information about continuing progesterone in form of the shots (still taking the Endometrin vaginally). On the 5th, I go  back to Dr. H and review their recommendation and she will schedule my cerclage. I will say, I am getting nervous. Most preventative cerclages are placed around 15 weeks but since my last loss was at 14 weeks she wants to aim for 13 weeks if possible.

I’ve decided to tell my mom on Christmas Day. I am still really apprehensive about telling anyone but I don’t feel comfortable going into having the procedure without her knowing. I’m excited about that. 🙂

Inner Musings

Hubbins and I had a great conversation last night over dinner about how I am feeling. It is weird…we really don’t talk about the baby. I update him on things that are happening with my appointments and he knows when I am nauseous or my chest is on fire from heartburn…but that’s mostly it. This point in our pregnancy last time, we were discussing names and spending every night looking baby clothes on Amazon. Losing a child makes you more jaded and cautious the second time around. So last night, we talked about how we were both feeling. Just as kind of check-in. And it was really good.

He told me he is excited but he is also very cautious. We have a set of couple friends who recently had a baby girl after having multiple miscarriages and he told me after we lost our son he spoke to the husband. The husband told him: “After the first one, I prepared myself to lose a few more. It sounds callous but I couldn’t fall apart every single time because I had to be there for her. Once we crossed the six month mark, then I let myself relax a little and it became more ‘real’ to me”.  So he has said that in his mind, he is taking it each day at a time. Today, we are pregnant. He is happy in that.

I spoke about having mixed feeling still. I am still very cautious and at times I try to ‘not think’ about being pregnant. I have been trying to take a very intellectual approach to this pregnancy and see it in milestones. My next milestone will be my appointment on the 8th. After that, my appointment on the 28th, then my appointment on the 4th. As each of those dates pass. I can breathe a little easier. The reality, however, is we can go through all the milestones. We can make it out of our first trimester, we can make it past 24 weeks, past 37 weeks. We can deliver..and that is not a guarantee that we will bring home a healthy baby. I realized during our talk that from the moment you find out you are pregnant, the worry begins and it does not end until you take your last breath. 5 years from now, I will worry about my child. 18 years from now, I will worry. And those feelings, those are what negate the intellectual part of my thinking because try as hard as I want, I already fiercely love this little speck of a being that I am carrying.

Appointment updates

I apologize again for not having updated in awhile. I have been madly decluttering my house in preparation for the holiday season when I knew there would be an influx of decorations and packages. This weekend, we cleared out a closet that has been packed since we moved in!! That was a big accomplishment for me and I realized I may have slight hoarder tendencies.

This past Wednesday I had back to back appointments with my RE and my OB.

RE Appointment:  I am officially cleared from Dr. C! I was able to see a heartbeat and was able to hold back the tears as there were  a total of 5 people in the room. (RE, Med student, sales/training rep for the new ultrasound machine that they received in the office, MA and myself…just a circus of people as I lay spread apart. The funny thing is: it didn’t bother me. ) After seeing the heartbeat, Dr. C confirmed my estimated due date and was adamant that the OB’s office not change it. Apparently, there is some sort of feudal war between OBs and REs because they date pregnancies different. The OB usually goes with the traditional calculation based on LMP but when a trigger shot is used the RE can date closer as they are able to pinpoint day of conception. When we were pregnant with our son, the OB’s office changed my due date to two weeks later than my RE and when I went to have the anatomy scan at 11 weeks, baby was already measuring too big. Dr. C. said that if they tried to change the date I should email her and she would sort it out.

OB Appointment: This was my first appointment with Dr. H. for this pregnancy and I was really happy to see her. She was outstanding during the delivery of our son and that entire ordeal and her compassion and care made all the difference to our family. When she walked in the room she gave me the biggest hug and told me how happy she was when she saw my name on her schedule.  After some small talk, she said : “Let’s get down to business. Where is your question sheet because I know you have one.” Yes. I had a sheet of typed questions. She remembered that I had shown up to my post D&C consult with one and she was ready for it this time. All of my questions dealt with info about the cerclage (when it would be placed, success rate, views on bedrest, how often cervical length will be checked). She gave me the timeline and answers for all of my questions. Around 11 weeks I am going to go get the NT blood work done (genetic testing). A week later at 12 weeks, I will have my early anatomy scan and the consult with MFM (Maternal Fetal Medicine). Based on the results of those two appointments, she is expecting that cerclage will be done between 12 and 13 weeks. She doesn’t want to wait much longer than that as our loss last time was at 13 weeks and 6 days. The timing of the appointments will be slightly skewed earlier/later because that is right around Christmas/New Years. After she answered all my questions, I started to put on my coat and she reminded me that she still had other regular OB things to discuss with me! We spoke about my heartburn and nausea and that she wants me to aim to gain no more than 25lbs with this pregnancy. I left feeling confident in what she can do…more-so than in what my body can do…it’s bad, I know but my body has let me down before. I go back to see her on the 8th when I will be 8 weeks and 2 days. Just waiting in anticipation till then when I can see that little heartbeat again.

 

In which I emotion all over my Supervisor

*Pretty long post*

I have one Cardinal work rule: don’t cry at work. The moment you cry at work, you will forever be’the girl who cries’. This is sometimes hard because I cry when I’m frustrated and/or overwhelmed. Well yesterday I was the emotional equivalent of a baby seal at work. Tears EVERYWHERE.

It began that morning when I was setting up my instrument for the day. ( I think I have shared on here that I am a Clinical Lab Scientist. Basically, we do all the testing of the blood that comes through the laboratory) So, setting up the instrument involves loading reagents and running quality control  (QC) prior to patient samples being analyzed for the next 24 hour period. I pride myself in being efficient in this process and when issues occur being able to resolve them in a timely manner. Yesterday, my instrument did not want to cooperate with me in meeting this goal. QC problems everywhere. Re-calibrations needed etc. In the middle of this, my lead comes over and says: “You need to go to the staff meeting”. I told her I would prefer to go to one next week as I knew I had a lot of pieces in the air at that time. She grabs the QC sheet from me and says: “tell D what you are doing and go. I’m not arguing with you”. Now usually I would have had a smart answer and that would have been that. Not yesterday. D comes over and I start to endorse my work to her and the whole time my eyes are watering and my voice is shaking. I make my escape before full fledged tears.

Continue reading “In which I emotion all over my Supervisor”

Lab results are in and other thoughts

Yesterday, I got the third set of labs drawn for HCG/Progesterone. Progesterone is at 34 (yay Endometrin) and HCG is at 994!! 🙂

The day after the 2nd draw, y’all remember I was freaking out because I hadn’t gotten results back and/or a call from my doctor’s office. On Tuesday afternoon, I finally called because nothing was posted yet. I spoke to a wonderful nurse named Tracy and she was so understanding. I continually feel like I am doing the most and overreacting and she made me feel like I wasn’t crazy and encouraged me to call whenever I am uncertain about anything because they don’t want me worrying and causing undue stress; it takes a special person to be a nurse at an RE’s office and my office has the best ones 🙂

My placement scan is scheduled for next Wednesday. That’s when we make sure that the pregnancy has implanted in my uterus and not hanging out anywhere else. I don’t know what they see this early. I don’t remember from last time.

I should probably make this a separate post but.. laziness.

I don’t know how to move forward with my posts on here and tags and such. Let me explain: I feel guilty posting with some of the tags that I have been using such as “Miscarriage”. I don’t want to be a trigger for anyone with updates about this current pregnancy…but I feel like everything about this new pregnancy is colored by losing our son and there will be feelings about that interspersed with info about current things. I have been helped so much by the support that I have received from all your comments and knowing that my feelings are not alien. Please, take care of yourself. If you are one of my current followers and the posts are too much and you un-follow, I understand. If you come across a pregnancy post that is too much and need to write stern words, I understand that too.

Sorry this post diverged into lots of random things.. thanks for making it this far.