Don’t jinx it.

I have sat down to write this post so many times. I have wanted to write so many times. I miss the interaction of my community here. But it has felt like I would be jinxing it ya know? There are good things happening for us and I have been feeling distanced from my blog friends. I follow your stories and feel connected so the least I can do is return the favor by making sure I let you guys know whats up with me.

Work

I started a new job. I love it. I have a lot more autonomy and while the environment is stressful and I started at a time when big changes are critical to the organization’s success it feels good to know that I have this opportunity to prove myself. The previous person in my role set the bar pretty low and so while I have only been here for 3 months, it is already fulfilling to see how I am making a difference. It is a LONG road ahead for us here with quite a few big projects in the near future but even when the days are ridiculously long I leave work feeling fulfilled and it feels good.

Home Life

We are moving…in with my mom. I have mixed feelings. The timing is good and we will need the help soon. Our current lease is up in a month and while we are ALMOST there with our savings to be ready to buy, we aren’t quite where we want to be. So we are going to put our things in storage for a few months (till the end of the year) and go hang with her. She is SOOOOOO excited. I am a little nervous. Our relationship has gotten so much better compared to what it was when I was a teen and it feels a little like backtracking into the unknown. We have had a lot of good conversations about boundaries and I think in these last two years we both have grown and have a mutual shared respect now that may make the transition not as terrible as I think it could be…. I hope.

Babies

Yip. ies. As in two. As in more than one. As of today I am 16 weeks and 6 days pregnant with twins. It has been a whirlwind. I go from periods of forgetting I am pregnant to mind numbing bone chilling nights of anxiety and no sleep where I am sure that I am losing them. I have a new medical team and that has made the transition initially very difficult. I had to advocate for increased care and increased monitoring. As it stands, I have visits every 2 weeks alternating between my MFM and my OB. Both are becoming very understanding but I am starting to feel like the boy who cried wolf. My TAC appears to be doing it’s job. What I think I am annoyed with is because I have it and that is the ‘gold standard’ for losses due to incompetent cervix, they seem very laid back regarding my cervical status. I keep getting told that until I get to 24 weeks there really isn’t anything that can be done (YES, I KNOW,  HAVE BEEN HERE TWICE BEFORE). I guess I just want maybe a little more catering too. you know? I have been fortunate to meet two very understanding and sympathetic nurses in both doctor’s offices and they are great at assuaging my fears when I call freaking out. The honest truth is I hold my breath every two weeks till I can see my babies again. This next week is scary for me. We lost Lucas at 17/2. My mini goal has been to get to 18 weeks and then I can maybe exhale 1/8 of the way. I don’t think I will be at peace until they get here.

This pregnancy has been rough in that symptoms that I have I don’t know if they are due to having twins or if they are really things I should be worrying about. Round ligament pain showed up around week 12 and it has been a doozy. Getting to sleep takes an act of Congress and 4 pillows placed strategically. I keep thinking “what am I gonna do when I get to 24 weeks, or 30?” and then I immediately think “might not make it that far”. Also, I now have a gestational diabetes diagnosis. Gah. My doctor keeps saying that it is due to my higher hormone levels because of two but it feels like just ONE MORE THING to deal with. It is a complete and total up and down and all I can do for my sanity is remind myself that I don’t control any of this.

This got a lot longer than I expected but I was making up for months of not writing.

I have been toying with weekly updates.. but maybe when I get to 18 I will start.. or 20..or 24. Who knows.

 

Quick update

I went in for my Day 10 US on Saturday. Not much to report. Right ovary has 2 follicles at 11 mm each and left ovary is lazily spinning in circles doing nothing lol. I go back tomorrow for another US. Hubbins is due to head to NY this weekend and I wasn’t initially planning to go but now I may have to in order to have all the sects. Will update when I know more 🙂

 

Cycle Day 1!

Cycle Day 1!!!!!!

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I don’t think I’ve ever been this excited to see my cycle begin. I was grinning like a fool in the bathroom. (The fertility process makes you crazy…mark my words.)My last day of Provera was on the 19th so I have been stalking my cycle ever since. Let’s get this show on the road! I start the Letrozole tomorrow; 7.5 mg for 5 days and I go in for my Day 10 monitoring US next Saturday on the 5th.

 

Progesterone Week

Progesterone Week

I am scatterbrained.

I just realized I didn’t update after the ultrasound last Wednesday. #Fail

So, as suspected, I needed to do a round of Progesterone to jump start things. I haven’t had a full cycle since….August maybe? I am so ready for my period. I feel…heavy/full. Ick. (Yeah that’s probably TMI and gross but that’s what we do here in the land of infertility and loss; you lose your filter…not that I ever had one, but I digress.)

Anyhow, I am currently on day 6 of my prescribed 7 day cycle  of medroxyprogesterone and then I should expect my cycle to start. Then we start Letrozole.

I would like this all to be timed perfectly so that my day 10-14 monitoring happens before we leave for the cruise on the 19th of November, but when has my body ever done what I asked it to? *smile*

Happy Waiting 🙂

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Screening US scheduled

This Wednesday, we have our next screening US. I still haven’t had a cycle since the one at the end of August so my RE thinks I haven’t ovulated. Spotting has been on and off…. that is about as fun as it sounds. .______. I am going in on Wednesday to do an US and possibly start my Letrozole for this month. I am nervous – not in a scared kind of way. Nervous in…anticipation? It feels like I am gearing up for a race…not that I have ever run a race but you know what I mean lol. I’m excited to see what comes next for us. I have been eating better and trying to get my general life in order. So here we go!!

All systems are go

Last week I saw both my RE and my OB/GYN. The RE was because I had no idea where I was in my cycle (spotting is fun.. YAY PCOS) and my OB/GYN to get a regular well woman check up as I haven’t seen anyone since surgery followup. I also wanted to talk to them both about our upcoming cruise in November in light of the Zika virus. They both said the same thing: you go nowhere if you are pregnant. If I’m not pregnant, the plan is to be cautious.. overly cautious…marinating in DEET cautious. Both feel like since it is a cruise and we aren’t staying on the island for an extended period of time they feel comfortable with us both travelling. I got my lab results back which show I haven’t ovulated this month so Dr. C (RE) said I could technically start Femara/Ovidrel this month. We have decided to hold off until October. We both need this cruise. NEED. One more month of waiting isn’t going to change much. I am looking forward to getting away and coming back refreshed and ready for this next leg of the journey.

What have your doctors been saying about Zika? My doctor’s both seem pretty laid back as I’m not pregnant.