Vent

I don’t remember who posted about this but I remember someone talking about “silent goodbyes” in social media groups and how when you announce that you’re leaving everyone else behind it is salt in the  wound. Well I’m feeling like that today. I am part of a group for moms of loss as well as those struggling with infertility. I’ve noticed a pattern and it GRINDS MY GEARS. There is one lady who has been trying for about a year after an early loss. The last 8-9 months we have all supported her monthly and even DAILY when she posted.  Assuaging her fears. Cheering her on. Comforting her when she was feeling doubt. Being excited during the 2ww. She recently found out she was pregnant about 9 weeks ago. Since then she pops in every few weeks to update us on how her life is now usually with the flippant “sorry guys, being pregnant has me wiped out, I used to have so much more time to post on here” and it pisses me off!!!! We have held your hand and forgotten about our own situations temporarily and now you just traipse back in here ever so often to update us on your fabulous pregnancy. I think today it got to me because one of the members had a loss a week ago and here she comes with “I’ll probably be leaving this group soon because I joined another one”. I am not begrudging this woman her happiness; I just want her to be better and somehow remember a few short months ago when she was in our place and the support that everyone gave her. Ok I’m done.

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Sometimes I want to be the snarky angry girl 

Begin rant. 

There is a friend of mine on my FB timeline complaining about her pregnancy. Again. She is 26 weeks and “can’t wait to get this baby out of her” so she can “get back to life where her body is hers again”. 

It keeps popping up on my timeline because people are sending her their sympathies and wishing her a speedy pregnancy. Their sympathies.

I want to say something snarky and angry. I have drafted the perfect comment a few times in my head. But…taking the high road or whatever. So instead I will just mute her and her pregnancy that is taking so so long while I sit here wishing that I had as many more weeks as I could. 

End rant. 

“OMG!!! We are so surprised! We don’t even know how this happened!!”

“OMG!!! We are so surprised! We don’t even know how this happened!!”

*Disclaimer* This is a ranty shouty post.*

That  was the caption that announced a Facebook pregnancy announcement accompanied by a picture of a positive pregnancy test.

___Side rant___  I will never not be grossed out by people who share pictures of a stick that they peed on with 895 of their closest friends. I feel differently about the blogs on here of course but there is something about your pastor and your aunt and your nephew you never really met who friended you and you couldn’t say no to seeing something that you urinated on. I could be being irrational *shrug*

Anyhow, after seeing this post, I could only see red for a couple reasons:

  1. You don’t know how this happened? It happened because sex. I know.. that’s a hard concept to grasp but that’s how it works. You have the sex, you get babies. UNLESS…you are one of the infertiles who have the sex on our head, on the bed, on a chair, in the air (Dr. Seuss would be proud) and it still requires a football team worth of medical professionals and an act of God and a drop of rain from the first rainfall of the year in the Amazon for us to “fall” pregnant.
  2. You are 24. You live at home. Your ‘boyfriend’ works at Target. You work at a gas station. Not that it is not possible but do you know how much babies cost? What is the plan here? I know you probably don’t have one because you are so surprised and still don’t know how this happened.
  3. You peed on this stick this morning and you’re announcing to all the internets that you are 2 minutes pregnant. I envy your confidence. I enjoy the naivete that believes that 2 lines on a stick leads to a baby 9 months later. Because you know what, it doesn’t always work that way.

After I shared my ranting manic thoughts with Hubbins he reminded me that we ARE pregnant. So then I felt horrible. Because I am and I shouldn’t begrudge anyone that happiness. But I still feel angry because I know of so many people who have been on this fertility trek for YEARS and they are weary and scared and on the verge of giving up. They are risking their physical well beings, financial stability and mental sanity for even the CHANCE at getting pregnant and those are the people that I want the ‘surprise’ pregnancies for. So while I wish you the best, you are going to be muted while you figure this part of your life out. And now I feel like a bitter hag.

“Enjoy this part, it gets shitty after this”

Yup. That’s what my eyebrow lady had to say to me today. She was complaining about the ends of my brows being gone and I said “well, my hormones have been all over the place. I was pregnant, then I wasn’t, now I am again”. After “you have been wanting to be pregnant for awhile now right?”, that was her response. I was stunned. My answer: “well I’m hoping sincerely to just make it to next week so I will give anything to be in the shitty phase of having my kid”. *cue crickets* I just want some people to have muzzles.

What would y’all say?

I need help. What would you guys do in this situation:

I have a coworker who is pregnant with her 6th child. SIXTH CHILD. She and I aren’t super close; we have a good working relationship but in the past, she has shared with me different issues that she has/had with her children’s fathers. Multiple fathers. I want to say there are 4 in all. Currently, 4 of her children do not live with her and are with her sister in another state as she was unable to care for them. What do I say when she has her baby daddy/pregnancy/woe is me stories? What I want to say is 1) unkind 2)profane.

Just want your opinions on how I address this..if at all. I could just ignore her I guess.

Raging Monster Beast

*This is a purely angry ranty shouty post; consider yourself forewarned*

Listen…I don’t know what is going on. It could be the increased dose of Femara/Letrazole (upped to 7.5mg from 5.0mg) and the agonizing headaches that I’ve been having for the last 3 days. It could be I’m just tired because I worked the weekend and I’m currently in the middle of a 16 hour shift. It could be I’m just not in the mood to deal with anyone’s aintshittedness…but I am a rage machine today.

Things that have taken me from zero to Hulk smash mode  today:

  • I dropped the knife I was using to make my peanut butter and jelly sandwich this morning and it landed on my scrub shirt…3 minutes before I needed to be out the door to avoid being late. I then had to drive ‘purposefully’ to work on a day where everyone decided it was a good day to sightsee along the highway and leisurely cruise at 40 miles an hour.
  • I am working in the Valley of Incompetence today. I don’t know who MIB flashy-thinged my coworkers when they went home last night but they came in this morning and had forgotten how to be medical technologists so I have had the privilege of baby bird feeding them today.
  • The valley of incompetence is adjacent to the Swamp of Laziness. Look, in your free time at work I don’t care if you look up catalogs selling socks for squirrels or watch YouTube videos featuring dancing caterpillars. HOWEVER, when there is work to be done we all need to get into ass kicking  mode and work with fervor till such a time as we have no samples to run and you can return to your idleness. There has been work sitting while I’m running samples and as soon as I then move to another analyzer to run them, I hear: “Oh I can do that”. Yes. You could have. In the last 8 minutes that it just sat there. Get out of my way.

angry-face

I know that I’m being cranky and I realize that maybe I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed today but I just want to build a cave and crawl into it and live in solitude with my pet rocks.

Nope, still not pregnant .______.

There is an old wive’s tale floating around somewhere that if you have a dream about fish, someone close to you is pregnant. Not sure where it came from or if it’s just an island people thing, but it is thing.

I’m in a group message with some family-friends (those people who aren’t related to you by blood but are close enough  that you may as well be). For the past three months, every few weeks, someone has the fish dream and I get asked the question: ” Are the fish for you?”. I usually just don’t respond or say no. Two weeks ago, it happened again and I effectively dodged answering the question. Today it happened again and I responded: “No, still not pregnant from two weeks ago when you asked” and conversation has stopped in the chat. Continue reading “Nope, still not pregnant .______.”