Lucas’s Due Date

Today, my 2nd son was due to be born. 

I spent the day in the sun. In the ocean. By myself. It was exactly what I needed. I cried a few times but they were tears of….acceptance? I have two sons. My life has changed in the last year and a half in ways I would have never expected. I am stronger. I am strong. I will never forget my sons. I am their mother and the lessons that I have learned loving them have made me stronger. 

I miss you sweet boy. I’ll see you someday soon. 


I have nothing against Easter. I love what it represents and I’m in awe of a God who sent His son to die so that I could have a chance at eternal life. 

This Easter is hard though. All these little people in cute outfits and too big bow ties and fluffy dresses is a lot. Langston would have been 6 months…perfect size for a too big bow tie. 

 Also: when some of your closest friends get together for an Easter Egg Hunt and you and Hubbins weren’t invited…because sucks. I have said and will continue to say: give me the opportunity to turn down an invite; don’t make me feel even more leperous by excluding me because of our ‘condition’. Grief isn’t contagious. 

I realize this turned into a snarky rant and I’m sorry. I do wish you guys a Happy Easter and I hope you spent it with loved ones. Chocolate bunnies for all 🐰

Rough day

I’ve had a series of allright days; not great, just allright. Today broke that streak. I’m not sure if it was the email about a free nursing cover, or the reminder that popped up on my phone about my growth appointment for Friday after I was sure I had turned those all off or the fact that when I weighted myself this morning I had only lost 2 pounds..but it was a cry in the bathroom day. Maybe tomorrow will be better.