I’ve been lurking

I just wanted to pop in and say I’m still here. I haven’t had the time to sit and write because between Frick and Frack, work and trying to turn my husband into a twin dad (HALP) I haven’t had time to breathe. But I have been scrolling and have been so happy seeing so many new rainbows loading.

We are currently in the car driving to NC to see dad so that’s why I’ve got a few minutes to update. So let’s see if I can do a bullet style catchup:

• Babies- Ase and Avi are 5 months and 6 days old. I can’t even believe it has flown this quickly. They are doing amazingly. Ase is up to 14lbs and Avi is right on his heels at 13. Both are trying to sit up, holding their bottles, cooing and babbling up a storm. They stared cereal last month and are drinking 6oz of formula every meal. I feel like I put in a good solid effort with breastfeeding. We got to 5 months on 50/50 breastmilk but since I’ve gone back to work my supply has been dwindling and it started to get more stressful to keep pumping to where I was dreading it. I do still have some guilt because people have SO much to say about breastfeeding and what I should be doing. They are sleeping from 9-530 *insert praise hands*
• Work- is pandemonium. We are doing construction in the lab. So essentially our space is cut in half while still trying to function. It’s a dumpster fire but I’m charged with maintaining operations and staff morale when most days I really just want to stay “I don’t care about your problems let me go home to my babies”.
• Home – so you will remember we moved in with my mom when I got pregnant. As such my mom has been home with my children since birth. Last Friday she got an email that she had placed back to work effective Tuesday. My mother in law stepped in and showed up this past Sunday. It is a blessing. I know it is. But there are so many people in this house now and I am ready for our own space. I am really hoping we can buy by this summer.
• Me- I’m exhausted. Blessed but exhausted. This is hard but I think we are finally hitting our stride. I go into autopilot most days. I am actively looking for a new therapist. It’s time to get back in. I’ve been in a weird headspace where I can’t reconcile having my twins here but also thinking about my boys who had they been here would mean I wouldn’t have my twins. Some days the what if’s are a lot. I also do feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop constantly. I have been so blessed and even in the exhaustion I have all I can ask for so I feel like I’m not enjoying it because I feel something is coming. Not sure if that makes sense. I think it is just the feeling like I don’t want to get too happy because something can always happen…but that feels ungrateful. Meh.

Ok here are pictures. Which is what y’all are here for anyway lol Miss you guys 😘😘