Gratefulness

It is 3:12 am. I am up at my normal time because my children are having their early AM dance party and I would not change it for the world. I can’t believe this is me. I can’t believe that we made it here. I can’t believe that we are 2 days away from 28 weeks. That we have passed viability; that we are at that magical number where things should be ok. 
That doesn’t mean that the worry goes away. I won’t stop worrying till they are here; till I can hold them and we start the next phase of our journey where I worry because they are no longer with me. Worry because I can’t always keep them safe. Worry because the terrible world that I am bringing them into isn’t kind to little brown girls and little brown boys. 
Tonight though,  I’m not thinking about that. Tonight I’m just grateful. Grateful that He kept me. That He sustained me. That He didn’t allow me to lose my mind. That even when I wanted to give up He didn’t let me because He was building this story and preparing this blessing just for me. I don’t deserve it. I don’t feel equipped for it but I am so thankful for the opportunity to be their mommy. 
So I will sit in the dark every morning for 3-430 and just recount all the ways that God has been so good to me through the tears and the heartache….and I will continue to be grateful. 
Just a few more weeks bunnies. 

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