I have mixed feelings. On one hand: I love Christmas. I always have. I am that girl who wants to keep the tree up till February and I have been playing Christmas music since mid-November. 

On the other hand: last Christmas, we sat next to our tree and talked about the baby I was carrying who would be due in June. We told close friends on Christmas. We told my mom in yet another cute reveal. And here we are again: no baby’s first Christmas ornaments. No cute family pajamas. No family photo shoot Christmas cards. Just us.