Feel all the things. 

Know what happens when you haven’t had a cycle in almost 3 months and your first cycle you start your Letrozole amidst what feels like your uterus being forcefully ripped out and your whole life being drained out of you? You ugly cry when you get home and find out your husband ate the last of the ice cream. Big sobbing gulping tears. 

Two more days of Femara then hopefully I won’t be big gaping sore of feel all the things. 

*I understand that this is all dramatic as hell –insert shrug here–*

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Cycle Day 1!

Cycle Day 1!!!!!!

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I don’t think I’ve ever been this excited to see my cycle begin. I was grinning like a fool in the bathroom. (The fertility process makes you crazy…mark my words.)My last day of Provera was on the 19th so I have been stalking my cycle ever since. Let’s get this show on the road! I start the Letrozole tomorrow; 7.5 mg for 5 days and I go in for my Day 10 monitoring US next Saturday on the 5th.

 

Persevere

One of my sisters shared this with me this morning and it struck such a resounding chord with me that I needed to share. 2016-10-19

I love how this just sounds…determined. My mom has a saying: “Ban yuh belly and bear yuh grind”. She would say it to mean reinforce yourself and do your work. This is just that. Gird up yourself. Do what you have to do. That’s what we do as women. Hard times, disappointment, sadness, grief, strife. We mourn and then we find a new way to accomplish what we want. I’m doing my best as we go into a new journey not to focus on circumstances. I don’t trust my circumstances. I trust the God who can do the impossible in spite of what my current situation looks like.

Progesterone Week

Progesterone Week

I am scatterbrained.

I just realized I didn’t update after the ultrasound last Wednesday. #Fail

So, as suspected, I needed to do a round of Progesterone to jump start things. I haven’t had a full cycle since….August maybe? I am so ready for my period. I feel…heavy/full. Ick. (Yeah that’s probably TMI and gross but that’s what we do here in the land of infertility and loss; you lose your filter…not that I ever had one, but I digress.)

Anyhow, I am currently on day 6 of my prescribed 7 day cycle  of medroxyprogesterone and then I should expect my cycle to start. Then we start Letrozole.

I would like this all to be timed perfectly so that my day 10-14 monitoring happens before we leave for the cruise on the 19th of November, but when has my body ever done what I asked it to? *smile*

Happy Waiting 🙂

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Screening US scheduled

This Wednesday, we have our next screening US. I still haven’t had a cycle since the one at the end of August so my RE thinks I haven’t ovulated. Spotting has been on and off…. that is about as fun as it sounds. .______. I am going in on Wednesday to do an US and possibly start my Letrozole for this month. I am nervous – not in a scared kind of way. Nervous in…anticipation? It feels like I am gearing up for a race…not that I have ever run a race but you know what I mean lol. I’m excited to see what comes next for us. I have been eating better and trying to get my general life in order. So here we go!!

Capture your Grief. Day 1. Sunrise Dedication 

  Maryland 7:06am
I woke up to rain. So I went outside already annoyed. Today was supposed to be a perfect start to this month of dedication to my sons. Instead, it didn’t go as planned. Nothing about my pregnancy went as planned. The plan was to have my sons. The plan was to be getting ready to celebrate Langston’s first birthday. That plan failed. The next plan should see me with 3 month old Lucas experiencing first smiles and rolling over. The plan was for the beautiful sunrise. The reality looks different. You know what though? There will be glorious sunrises to come. There will be successful pregnancies. The rainy days interrupt our plans. But there won’t always be rain. The sunrise is coming.