Baby Blanket

I need to finish this baby blanket. I had told myself that I would finish it by Lucas’s due date on July 15th…and that date has come and gone and still I haven’t made any more progress on it since the Thursday before my water broke.

Oh, I’ve picked it up a few times and started working on a square, only to put it away within a few minutes. I can’t explain it. I feel like I’m at the place in my grief process where I can only deal in facts. My therapist loved to tell me “feelings are not facts” so now it feels safe to only operate based on facts. And the fact is, I don’t have a baby to make this blanket for. Yes, there is hope there, that one day I will have a little one who will use this blanket and I can tell them one day about their siblings. Right now though, the reality of where I am kind of keeps me grounded.  I’ll be pregnant again, I’m sure…and when that happens, I will pick up this blanket again and it will keep me hopeful. Hopeful that this time will be time it gets finished . Hopeful that this time it will get used.

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2 thoughts on “Baby Blanket

  1. Finish it when you feel comfortable, hun. If you become too emotional doing it (or even thinking about it), just don’t. It’ll be there waiting for you whenever you want to come around to it.

    The good news is you’re starting to accept what happened, though, it’s a lifelong process. When you think in only facts, that’s a good sign because your logical brain is coming out and telling you what happened. The emotional side will still be there because, I’ll be frank, losing a child(ren) fucking sucks. I’m almost five years out with Ethan and it’s still very hard for me to wrap my head around it at times.

    Be gentle on yourself. *hugs*

    Liked by 1 person

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