I don’t remember who posted about this but I remember someone talking about “silent goodbyes” in social media groups and how when you announce that you’re leaving everyone else behind it is salt in the  wound. Well I’m feeling like that today. I am part of a group for moms of loss as well as those struggling with infertility. I’ve noticed a pattern and it GRINDS MY GEARS. There is one lady who has been trying for about a year after an early loss. The last 8-9 months we have all supported her monthly and even DAILY when she posted.  Assuaging her fears. Cheering her on. Comforting her when she was feeling doubt. Being excited during the 2ww. She recently found out she was pregnant about 9 weeks ago. Since then she pops in every few weeks to update us on how her life is now usually with the flippant “sorry guys, being pregnant has me wiped out, I used to have so much more time to post on here” and it pisses me off!!!! We have held your hand and forgotten about our own situations temporarily and now you just traipse back in here ever so often to update us on your fabulous pregnancy. I think today it got to me because one of the members had a loss a week ago and here she comes with “I’ll probably be leaving this group soon because I joined another one”. I am not begrudging this woman her happiness; I just want her to be better and somehow remember a few short months ago when she was in our place and the support that everyone gave her. Ok I’m done.

10 thoughts on “Vent

  1. As much as I hate to say this (and everyone else will probably hate me for saying this too), I’ve learned the hard way that the stage of your loss and how much you had to go through to get there will greatly affect the way you grieve. I know a loss is a loss, and it sucks no matter what but losing your baby at 4 or 5 weeks is not as difficult emotionally as losing your baby at 11 or 12 weeks, and that’s not as difficult as losing our baby at 17 or 18 weeks. And when you add infertility on top of any loss, it makes it so much worse because there is no guarantee (and often no hope) you’ll ever have your rainbow baby. I’m so sorry you had to meet this woman and listen to her be so insensitive and selfish. She doesn’t understand.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for saying this. I’ve felt the same way. It sounds horrible to say but at 18 weeks…we should have been safe so I let my guard down because dammit you’re past the SCARY FIRST TRIMESTER SO SURELY NOW YOU CAN BREATHE!! Thank you for saying what I have been afraid to. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I get that she’s happy to be pregnant now and I’m sure she is still battling her own demons because pregnancy after loss isn’t an easy ride…however, being pregnant after a loss myself, and reaching a point where I feel *relatively* comfortable that this pregnancy will end happily, I can’t imagine being that insensitive to anyone let alone the people who have supported me through the hard times. I am always very aware of what others may be feeling, and try really hard to be sensitive to that. I don’t begrudge anyone their happily ever after, but I do think a bit of tact and sensitivity isn’t too much to ask for. Even now, if I have a rant about someone saying something offensive about my pregnancy or my pregnancy body, I feel guilty for complaining. Like I should just be thankful for being pregnant and suck it up. I find it hard to believe that this woman can be so blind to that.

    I hope she has a healthy pregnancy, but I also hope she stops being a douche to the community that’s supported her through the tough times!

    Ps. It’s really good to see you back here. X

    Liked by 1 person

    1. After I posted that I thought “I hope Cerian doesn’t think I meant she has been like this” and I felt guilty. You my friend have been nothing but sensitive; I look forward to your posts because I feel a connection to you as our little ones were due so close together. You have earned the RIGHT to be honest about your pregnancy and what you’re feeling. That shouldn’t be something else that loss has taken from us; it may be the only normal part that is left. So dear friend, please keep posting and complaining when you must because you remind me that there is still hope. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Don’t worry, I didn’t take it personally! 🙂 but I do always worry about upsetting others who haven’t been as lucky as I have. You have never been anything other than supportive and gracious which is why I am kind of speechless that this woman has been sooooo insensitive. You continue to amaze me with your strength, grace, and bravery so you go ahead and vent all you want, whenever you want!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. The first nine weeks of pregnancy consists of bloat, morning sickness, and maybe 2-3 appointments. She’s not busy. It would’ve been better if she just said she was going to take a break from the group so she could concentrate on her pregnancy. Ugh, I hate that.

    You have support here, sis. We’re always here for you – good and bad.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Totally agree with this!! I’m all for celebrating pregnancies but if we’ve been on this kind of journey then I think we owe it to each other to still suport those that are still struggling!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I’m sorry dear 😦 It makes sense to feel like that, I mean, she isn’t doing for you what you have done for her. That is what friendship is, it should be a mutual give and take. Unfortunately that happens often with people, they take without giving in return.

    I hope you can still find support in others (including us!) during this horrible time. Vent all you want and need to. Lord knows we all do. You are a wonderful person to support others as you do, it says a lot about your character.

    Thinking of you and praying for you.

    Liked by 1 person

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