I’m not ready…but putting it off won’t make me any more ready. It is kind of the last ‘thing’ that I have to do for everything to be back to ‘normal’.
I’ve been doing a lot of house chores the last few days preparing for life back on our regular schedule. And it has sucked. I’m so tired of going through the motions to ‘return back to normal’ after losing my baby. Don’t need the belly support band; it can go in the drawer. My What to Expect guidebook; in the drawer too. The calendar with appointment dates that has this Friday circled for my anatomy sonogram; ripped up. My Google calendar entitled “Baby Nugget”; hidden on my phone. I’m so tired of starting over and rebuilding….but I’m not getting rid of these things. This drawer represents my blind unyielding grasping faith that one day I will bring home a baby. I started the baby blanket and I’m going to finish it. Many tears will be shed over it but I know that one day I will wrap it around my little one and be able to tell them what they represent to me: the end of starting over and my new beginning.