Last night, well this morning, around 3am, Hubbins and I both placed posts on our social media accounts about our boys.
This was a big move for both of us as we knew that it was exposing a level of vulnerability that we didn’t necessarily want. And we decided to go ahead after our conversation.
When we lost Langston, only a few close friends and family members knew and I actually felt…ashamed. It felt like my boy was something that I did that I shouldn’t tell the world about. And as such, I had to endure people who didn’t know and who made casual remarks that cut to the core. This time when we got pregnant, again, we kept it from a LOT more people than last time. A few people had their suspicions regarding our mass dissapearance from social media and life in general. We felt we were protecting ourselves…and here we are again.
This time, we aren’t hiding our Lucas. This isn’t a mass plea for sympathy on our behalf. This is us begging the world to know that we are parents. We created two perfect boys who could not stay with us on this earth. That doesn’t make us any less of parents in our hearts. We had dreams for our boys. We were proud. My husband, coming from a line of siblings who only make girls 😏, made two sons (this is a very manly thing to do).
Parents of loss are begrudged so much. We give up not only our precious children; we give up all the possible memories that we would have made and this is my way of knowing that our boys will be remembered by other hearts than ours.
Already, friends have contacted me saying that they too dealt with this loss in silence. I am hoping that our transparency gives someone hope that they are not facing this alone.