I’m home. Once again, I left the hospital with empty arms and a heart that feels like it will never hold anything precious again. I can’t stop crying. I don’t know what else I was supposed to do. I was at my doctors office 3 seperate times in the last week and mentioned the unusual discharge and no one checked for infection. I know that I can’t blame anybody but there has to be answer. I can’t keep thinking that my body keeps rejecting perfect babies for no reason. This hurts and I don’t know how to stop it from hurting. 

10 thoughts on “Numb

  1. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I found your blog because you recently followed mine. I just lost my first baby, a boy, two weeks ago on January 27 at 16 weeks…I know your pain. Know that you are not alone in this. It may be too soon for you, but I launched myself into research immediately after my loss and I feel like it has helped me have a purpose when I felt I no longer had one. Please explore a TAC and start with the Abbyloopers forum if you haven’t already – hundreds of women who are going through what you are going through and who are looking for answers. Thinking of you and I agree with a previous commenter, be gentle with yourself.


    Liked by 1 person

  2. You are a vigilant mama and you did everything in your power for your boys. I hope the answers will come if that’s what you feel you need — I know that I did. Try to be gentle with yourself, as gentle and forgiving as you are to others.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I say if it helps you to be angry at your doctors, do it! Anger is part of the grieving process and it’s healthy. Do they know yet if it was an infection that caused your water to break, or is it too soon for any answers? I’m continuing to send love and strength your way.

    Liked by 1 person

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