Due Date

My due date was tomorrow. I have so many emotions but they all just come out as tears. I’m broken. I wanted my son. He was my perfect boy. When the doctor handed him to us I was amazed at how  even with him being that tiny I could see that he had his Daddy’s nose and my cheeks.  I’m shocked I made it to this date. There were days in the time after we lost him that  I considered ending it all because the pain was too much. I feel lonely. Tomorrow, life will go on and besides my husband and I, no one will acknowledge that he was supposed to be here. I can’t explain what it feels like to miss someone that you never really knew. Because that is the truth. I don’t know who my son would have been. And yet, I’m thankful. I’m thankful that God chose me to be his mother for the 14 weeks that he called my body His home. 

I know that one day I will see my boy. One day the angels will present Langston to us and I will recognize him without hesitation…because although we never met, he is my son and I will always be his mother. 

14 thoughts on “Due Date

  1. Your posts always touch me so much. This one in particular sums up my feelings exactly. I dread my due date. It’s not until March, but that feels really close and very distant all at once. I am so sorry that you know this pain, but so happy that you have new hope now. I think of you often, I’m so glad you’re doing well. (Even if you are driving yourself slightly potty!) xx

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    1. It will feel far and near and then it will be here. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Hubbins and I took some time to just talk about our boy and how we felt now vs. how we felt then. Yes there were tears but we left the day and convo determined to never forget him and to be thankful for all that he gave us in the short time we had him with us. We are doing well..trying not go full bat crazy yet ☺️

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  2. I have tears in my eyes after reading this. I am so sorry for your loss and for the pain you have gone/continue to go through. My prayers will be with you tomorrow–I know it will be a hard day, but you are absolutely right in saying that you will see him again. What a joyous reunion that will be!

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  3. I am so sorry for what you have been through and for this heartbreaking loss. Your post brought me to tears. Stay strong and know that you are not alone. Thoughts and prayers are with you!

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  4. I pray that God protects your hearts in this time in need. I don’t know the pain you’re experiencing, when I had my miscarriage I was only 7 weeks. I know any loss is painful but especially the loss of a child. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. ❤️

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  5. I am sincerely sorry for your loss!This was so sad and so emotional in the same way, I don’t even know what to say, I can’t really imagine what is it to lost a beloved child, but still feeling a big amount of sadness and emotions after reading this beautiful but sad piece. Anyway,try to stay strong even if it’s one of the hardest things now, at least try 🙏🏻 best wishes.

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