I feel like a bad wife. On the list of the myriad of things that TTC has changed for us, physical intimacy is one of them. On one hand, Hubbins and I are closer emotionally than we ever have been. In the short 3 years that we have been married, we have tackled sickness, job loss, two major accidents and most recently, the loss of our son. Some of this stuff would have driven other couples apart but aspects of our communication have grown. He seems to be in tune to what triggers me emotionally and will go out of his way to either shield me from it, remove me from the situation completely or do his best to inject humor and ultimately he will always make me laugh it out. That part has been great.
On the other hand, sometimes I feel like our sex life is suffering because of this TTC journey. We have lost a lot of the spontaneity. During our fertility window, I feel like I’m all in. I GO HARD Y’ALL….for 3 days. Then shortly after the Endometrin starts and I a) feel like a tired dishrag or b) just feel gushy all the time. After Endometrin for the month, then AF shows up and we are down for the count and the cycle starts all over again.
I desire my husband. I enjoy our sex life. There is just a part of me that sometimes mentally feels like “oh we can’t make a baby right now, I’m going to take a nap”. I don’t want my husband feeling like I only desire sex with him for his baby making ingredients. Am I the only one?