More fear, More faith

Since we lost our son and I have been exploring different blogs and forums, I have found so many more things to be afraid of if   when we get pregnant again. Before, I didn’t know about blighted ovums and chemical pregnancies and babies whose heart just stops beating and babies who have a great heartbeat and are born and stop breathing. All these things. My biggest worry was getting our future child to stay in and incubate till it was time for them to meet the world. Now I’m realizing there are so many other things that can go wrong in those 9 months that I can’t protect them from and that I have no control over. I believe this is where my faith sustains me. I don’t know how I would be able to approach pregnancy knowing that there was no one in control of things, no one who could have a hand in making sure that our child was healthy, developed properly and empowered my body to sustain life. In reality, my body is nothing; merely the vessel. The life of my unborn child  is in the hand of someone greater than I. He promises to hold my heart in His hand till the gift of our perfect child is ready. When that time comes, I know I can trust Him for the peace that I will need to make it through.

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