It is 1:21 am and in a few hours I go in for my CD10 ultrasound. This is my first month on the increased Femara dose and I’m a little nervous. The first month,  I had 3 good sized follicles (all between 17-22mm) by day 13 and nothing happened. Last month, I had one super follicle (20mm) on day 10 that I personally think was a fluke. Today I find out what my body has been doing with the new increased dose. The headaches are finally seeming to taper off and for that I’m thankful. The hardest part heading into a ‘new month’ is the fact that I don’t really have control over how my body responds. I could go in and have 2 follicles or I could have 7 (exaggerated) but there is nothing that I can really do to determine that.

I have always been a control freak. I over plan, over analyze and over organize. This journey to baby allows me to do none of those things and I am trying to be OK with that. Honestly, I don’t have any feelings either way about today’s scan. Part of the way I emotionally protect myself is that I don’t want to get too optimistic. I fell apart last month when we had a negative test and I can’t do that every month till our rainbow. So we will see what God has in store for us this time around.

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