The emptiness

As I get closer to what would have been our son’s due date on the 14th of November this empty feeling just gets bigger. It has always been there.  I felt it the afternoon I left the hospital with empty arms and the understanding that I came in pregnant and was leaving with nothing. I feel it when I look at the bag of maternity dresses in the corner that I bought for this summer/fall season in anticipation of my blossoming stomach. I feel it when I pass parents on the street with their new precious baby boys and I know that our son never got the chance to live. I feel it when Hubbins man friends cancel football watching plans because of a kiddie party…that he isn’t invited to. It is an ache that I can’t describe. A longing for something that I had . I don’t know how I can walk around daily when part of me no longer exists. I don’t know how to be a mother but not a mom.

3 thoughts on “The emptiness

  1. I absolutely feel the same way. Some good friends of ours had a baby boy last night and all I could think was how it’s so unfair that they get to take their baby home when mine is just gone. No warning, no reason, just gone. I hate myself for feeling so jealous and bitter about something that’s so wonderful for them. My due date isn’t until March, but I dread it on a daily basis. I know that day is going to be horrendous. My thoughts are with you. Stay strong. X

    Liked by 1 person

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